Talking about ghosts: Tail of the mummy

Where have you been?  You spelled tale wrong in  the title this time.

No, I didn't.  I went on a trip this weekend, remember?

Oh, that's right.  I would have gone with you,  but I had to. . . visit. . . someone.   So how was it?

Right.  


Well, it was pretty fun.  We took the highway up to the southern coast of Lake Erie, saw a few sights in the area, went to some stores, the biggest Target I've ever seen and got something to eat. But really, we went to see the lighthouse, as you know.

All the way up there for just a lighthouse?

Well, the truth is, there's supposed to be something special in the lighthouse.  See, it was in service over a hundred years ago.  It's not operational any more, but they say some of its former occupants are still there.

The ancient sandstone edifice towers hundreds of feet into the sky-

Hundreds, huh?

Hund-- It's pretty tall.  You can see the effects of generations of aging on its thick stone walls.  There is the window where the keeper used to stare out at the stormy waters of Lake Erie, decade after decade.

Was he waiting for somebody?

Well, no, Yikes.  He was doing his job.


So we ventured into the lighthouse, searching for this relic from a forgotten time.  Inside, one had to climb thousands of stairs to reach the top.

Thousands.  That's a thousand stairs, alright.  I don't feel like counting, so I'll just take your word for it.

Would you believe me if I said there were 69?

Not at this point.

At the top was only a vacant tower, long forgotten.  Old, unwashed windows and a single neglected lamp were the only things to suggest this had once been a beacon on the busy lake.

The source of the tail was not to be found up here, so we had to slowly descend the rusted stairs back to the safety of ground.

Spelled tale wrong again.

No I didn't!  Quit being a douche, Yikes! You're ruining it.

Okay, you're not a douche.


So after returning to the Earth, we ventured into the last place the haunted thing could be-- in the ancient light keeper's house.  Inside were many old tools of mariners, records of shipwrecks and artifacts of the past.  

It was here that we found what we were searching for at last.  Tucked into a corner, long a prisoner of those ancient sandstone walls, dwelt the source of The Tail:

A cat mummy!

An ACTUAL cat mummy! W-- why a cat mummy?

You see, Yikes, I know you don't like to keep up on facts, but according to ancient lore, a mummified cat's tail can be a source of health and long life.

Wow, is it really?

No, but I took it anyway.

I'm sure that went well.

As much as you would think so, it was only the next night after I was home. . . I was sleeping in my bed, or at least attempting to.  Sleep was elusive, and I wrestled with it long into the night.  After the clock hands plummeted past the midnight hour, I started to hear it.

What?

Mewing.  From everywhere.  All around the house.  Just cats fighting outside, I'm sure, I thought to myself.  They fight out there all the time-- but this wasn't fighting.  It was just mewing, and it sounded like hundreds, maybe thousands of cats.  


Then, I realized, it wasn't outside-- it was in the house, in my bedchamber, all around me, mewing. Incessant mewing.  It was at this point that my bedroom door fell from its hinges, landing on the floor with a startling crack-- and there SHE was!

Who!?

It could only be one person, Yikes.  You have to realize, out of all the strange creatures of the night, there would only be one who would own an ancient mummified cat.

Whoooo!!??

An ancient. . . withered. . . mummified. . . Crazy Cat Lady!

No!

She drew close to my bed, the voices of hundreds of her disembodied pets filling the air.

What did she want?

She closed in on the bed, her hands in the air above me. . .


And she. . .

What?

She. . .

What did she do!?

SHE CALLED THE POLICE AND CHARGED ME WITH VANDALISM!

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYYYY GAAAAAWWWWWWD!